The anticipation is worse than the event

So often, we make our lives harder by worrying about and anticipating what hasn’t happened yet.

We overcomplicate, fantasize, and catastrophize — often because it gives us the illusion of control.

We believe our ruminating might somehow positively affect the future.

But none of this is truly embodied experience. These are ghosts of something that may never happen — and we invite them in because we don’t trust our future selves.

The less we trust ourselves in the present, the more fear we project into the future.

Not only do we rehearse unwanted outcomes, but we sometimes make them more likely by shaping our perception around them.

As I’ve been learning to validate my emotions and let them pass through me, I’ve realized that most fears can be reduced to one thing:

How will I feel if ___ happens?

When we live this way, we don’t experience a difficult moment once — we experience it many times in advance.

And all a feeling ever wants is to be felt. Nothing more.

So why are we so afraid of it?

Our capacity to feel is like a muscle — it strengthens with use. You don’t need to rehearse it. You only need to know that you won’t abandon yourself when the moment arrives.

That is real self-trust.